Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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