i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
