Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
