I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
