my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
