I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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