i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
