i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
operation have a gay friend backfired
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
