Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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