oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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