1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
