come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
