my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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