Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
