She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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