she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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