I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
