Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
