he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
