Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
