The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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