There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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