it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she pinky promised me she was 18
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize