I skipped work to stalk him.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
