I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
