yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
