o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
