Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
