Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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