I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
