You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
