I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
