This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
