I hate your face
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize