Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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