so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We left the knife in your bed.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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