does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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