where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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