The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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