I'm lost and stupid without you.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
