It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize