I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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