Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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