I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
