Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
