i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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