Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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