i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
