got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
