end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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