I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
