I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
