weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
