i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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