it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
