I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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