I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
