I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Randomize
