I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
I did not marry a roomba.
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