Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
