whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
