Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
