I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
