i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
