I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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