Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
