this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
