i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize