I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We had sex on a dog bed..
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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