I'm so fucking centered right now
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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