Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Randomize
