guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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