The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
FUCK WHALES
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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