how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
