I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
